I find that my mental health maintains a delicate balance. Some days I am all smiles and it doesn’t even feel like effort. Other days, just waking up and not being anxious or upset feels like a fight. As I get better and better at not directly this frustration in my own state at my boyfriend and parents, I still slip up. Afterwards, I berate my mind for being weak, which only makes the cycle of anger worse. Yet, I do find, that the more time I take to identify my feelings, label them and reflect on the true root, the better my odds of not letting them consume me.
Each day is a battle. Each fight is exhausting. Each night is the worst. I fear my own mind the most when I’m alone in bed, trying to turn it off and go to sleep.
Somehow, I’m supposed to find the time and strength to study. M2 year had given me a run for my money. They things that I loved gradually feel more and more like burdens. I struggle to fulfill my daily obligations while still staying focused and happy. I’ve been through challenges before, but this mental game is a new level. I’m advancing to new heights. Each state has it’s own obstacles, warriors, foes and unfamiliarity. I struggle to keep my head about water because I know that if I make it past this year, it will only get better. I will finally be doing what I fought to get here to do. Learn how to see patients and help them. Oh, the glory in a beautiful life!
Amidst all the mind-battles, I am truly blessed.